The Unseen Costs of War

All too often we focus on the direct costs of a conflict - how many dollars per day does it take to run the war? Without a doubt the cost is astronomical, but considering all the parts in motion it's not totally unreasonable. But what of the other costs, those non-monetary costs?

Sure, we all know that families endure hardship with loved ones gone. Whether it is a son or daughter, a husband, wife, father, or mother - there is some felt loss to all those who knew the deployed individual. I will even go so far to assume that in some cases, especially marriages, the impact may be even further felt when the garbage disposal goes berserk and the husband isn't there to fix it, or the kids have a crap day and mom isn't home to say those magical motherly words that seem to make it all better. These are the costs that those who know and care about us must pay, often without choice or vote in the matter.

But there are other costs that are far less obvious. Recently, someone close to me here in Afghanistan had someone very close to them pass away unexpectedly. Being 10,000 miles away doesn't make the loss any less painful; it does make it significantly more difficult to take in and process. There is no chance to go pay final respects, to be among family and friends in whom to seek strength to get through. Furthermore, there is no break, no relief, no space to go be alone with your thoughts, to clear your head, to comprehend and digest the impact this may have. The operational mission does not slow down, the requirements do not waiver, and the daily stress does not step aside or show compassion for your loss. One must soldier on, regardless of the internal cost it will inevitably have.

There is the option for emergency leave to travel home, but even that is not much of an option in itself. In only the most extreme cases is emergency leave granted, and it may take 4 or 5 days until you're home which is often too long. Furthermore, it forces one to chose between themselves and what they're experiencing emotionally, and their mission and comrades who will undoubtedly be forced to pickup the workload during their departure.

It is not only in the instance of death that deployment takes its toll, but in so many facets of life. How do you return to a young child who doesn't remember who you are? How do you tell your pregnant wife you're sorry you couldn't be there during the most difficult times of her labor, or even missing the birth of your child all together? Weddings, birthdays, promotions, celebrations... Deaths, losses, trials, tragedies... We miss them all, and all the emails and video chats in the world can't get them back.

I imagine the hardest part of all is knowing that you cannot simply pick up where you left off because no one is there anymore. Life itself continues to soldier on, even if you wish it hadn't.