A Traveler's Guide

This past week I have been quite busy with traveling. Went to two of my FOBs on two different days via two different types of aircraft flown by two different nations. All this traveling made me realize that the average traveler probably knows very little about traveling via military means, and it is my duty to educate. Thus I give you all: A Traveler's Guide to Getting Around in Afghanistan!

The CH-47 Chinook helicopter is by far the Cadillac of the skies. A roomy aircraft with seating for at least 30, it can also hold substantial amounts of cargo and can sling-load larger items like howitzers and HMMWVs (Hum-Vees). The seating is cargo net style, suspended from the interior walls of the aircraft; you sit shoulder to shoulder facing a mirror image row of passengers on the other side. Passengers and cargo occupy the same space, so keep your fingers crossed that the load-master did his space calculations right!

When traveling in the CH-47, one should be very cautious when entering. This bird has two massive main rotors powered by two extremely powerful engines. These engines are located at the rear of the aircraft and produce a substantial exhaust at a temperature around that of the sun. As a major design flaw, you enter the helicopter from the back. When approaching, it is best to be low, quick, and at a perfectly straight line directly to the door. Veer off to one side or the other and you'll know you're off course when your face starts to melt. The CH-47 has two or three gunners depending on the situation. One located on the left and right sides of the helicopter towards the very front, and one sitting on the tail gate at the very rear. All are armed with the M240H machine gun.

The UH-60 Blackhawk is the minivan of the air. An every day troop hauling vehicle, it is the most common vehcile for most flight. With a max troop capacity of 11, you are wedged in like cargo. 4 people sit in the back facing forward with another 4 in front of them facing the rear. So close to each other that your knee caps become well acquainted. 3 sit more forward, with only slightly more room. Cargo space is non existent, so when a passenger decides to bring a large plastic trunk, a large framed backpack, and a small ruck sack - your knees and laps become the only place to store them. Suffice it to say that my trip back today was anything but enjoyable as the inability to move my legs combined with the large box pressing on top of them halted any blood from flowing to my lower extremities. The UH-60 has two gunners on either side of the aircraft towards the front. They are armed with the M240H machine gun.

For those looking for a little flare, the UH-1 Griffin "Huey" helicopter is as close to a convertible as you'll get. Fast, nimble, and compact, they are often found providing air support to the CH-47. Opportunity to ride one is rare, so hop on if you get the chance! As a passenger, expect to ride fully tactical with your legs dangling out the door as you zip across the sky. It's rare to have more than one passenger on board, so the odds of you getting a headset to listen in as you fly are great. Most Griffins are manned by two gunners on either side of the aircraft armed with the M-134 mini gun. Don't be fooled by the name - the mini gun is capable of raining down lead at the rate of 4,000 round per minute.

The Dutch are by far the craziest pilots, flying tactically all the time. My video from a while back was with the Dutch. The Canadians are next down on the list of adrenaline rushes, flying low and fast, but normally in a straight line at a fairly constant altitude. This last trip, we happened to fly during a sand storm. If you do not like the sensation of being tossed about like a leaf in a hurricane, I suggest you avoid traveling during the sand-storm season. Which happens to be forever in Afghanistan. Finally, the Americans are shockingly the most docile of pilots , although you may have to wait upwards of 4 hours before your flight takes off.

Finally, the only other means of transport I can speak to - the MRAP. As noted before, the Mine Resistant Ambush Protected vehicle is uncomfortable, slow, and has zilch by way of creature comfort. Traveling on the ground is the only way to get a good view of what life in Afghanistan is like - too bad the MRAP has very few windows. Take it from me - stay in the air.

I hope you have found this educational, if not totally boring and oddly non sequitur compared to my normal postings. I guess the fact that I've been traveling quite a bit recently has me in a Frommer's / Lonely Planet kind of mood. On the personal side, thank you to everyone who has sent packages lately - I'm extremely blessed and lucky and it makes life out here a little easier every day. On a humorous note, I am now the undefeated, undisputed champion of near-beer pong in Afghanistan. For those who know me, the fact that I have brought this game to this country should come as no surprise. To the rest of my readership, I can only hope you understand.